Youre not as bad as everyone says. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor, If women didnt exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. Funny Replies to Compliments Shut up baby . Youre more likely to die driving to work than to be eaten by a shark! Were willing to bet youve heard this, like, a million times right? 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Im sorry I hurt your feelings. It must have been a long, lonely journey. 77. BILL! Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! No, keep talking. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Never follow anyone elses path. It's so beautifully sarcastic. Please don't mess with lost pet signs. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. People who do shit like this are disgusting. ~ Milton Berle, Money without brains is always dangerous. Avoid fruits and nuts. So far, so good. If you know the person's name, use it when greeting him or her. According to London Vision Clinic, if you choose a good surgeon your chances of going blind are extremely slim. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Clothes make the man. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. You should eat some of that makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside. This is a way to convey warmth and gratitude for the apology, while still honoring the emotional impact the hurt had. 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! I even got asked, why dont you put your lunch in the fridge anymore? Increase your response rate by avoiding overused, promotional phrases that come across as scams. (Hahaha, are you some kind of fresh vegetable or something?) Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital. ~ Kathleen Norris, Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a mans lifetime income which he then spends sending his son to college. The only thing offending me right now is your face. He wont expect it back. . 12. Food thieves are worst, Still the last one is funny! 86. 28. This is the biggest mistake guys make. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. (Closed), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations were doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. If you love something set it free, but dont be surprised if it comes back with herpes. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. Nothing changed. And sometimes you go out shopping and theres nothing you like. previous company.]". I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. Me too. Top Funny Quotes I'm sick of following my dreams, man. Nov 3, 2011, 11:58 AM. ~ Earl Wilson, If you know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. Color your teeth with lipstick. I . Those who have the gold make the rules. ~ Bill Murray, The trick is to stop thinking of it as your money. That's how counsel rolls :D I'm going to regret that. The more money, the more interest they generate. A real low-life. There are some odds quadruplets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. This might've been the best response in the bunch, if you ask me. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? So, you changed your mind? Gum-licker. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Check out these random odds after the jump. But there are many ways to be active outdoors throughout the year. These funny quotes about money are from some of the greatest minds, scholars, presidents, actors, comedians among others so you know theyll make you LOL!! You can change your preferences. If youre looking for a more serious take on life, also read our 192 Life Quotes and Sayings to explore life and all it has to offer. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Offer some funny options. You may stop farting now. Here are some of his best, and most hilarious, lines from the show. cant understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. And it got us wondering: How many of these statistical musings are actually true? ~ Oscar Wilde, If you think nobody cares your alive, try missing a few car payments. If I find myself hesitating to grant a favor, I don't do it. Sepsis is a serious . Did you know that in 1963, major league baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry was quoted as saying "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run.". By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Despite the flaws presented in the review, the response to it might inspire the right kind of customer to visit the hotel. Is it your job to spread ignorance? People often say that motivation doesnt last. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. 42. ~ Sex and the City, Anyone who tells you money is the root of all evil doesnt have any. "May the odds ever be in your favor.". What could go wrong? Its only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. Im sick of following my dreams, man. 88. A man doesnt know what he knows until he knows what he doesnt know. High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. Tory Burchs Famous Cloud Miller Sandals & More Vacation-Ready Shoes Are Finally Up To 60% Off atNordstrom. Come to think of it, your face is old, too. This post may contain affiliate links. ~ Anonymous, F-E-A-R has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours. Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? ~ J. Paul Getty, I am having an out-of-money experience. Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are. Not exactly encouraging. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? It isnt worth anything unless its spread around. Id love to insult you, but you probably wouldnt understand. 79. At least theyre committed. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. The person who told you to be yourself gave you some bad advice. Its always darkest before the dawn. Make a Joke That's Specific to the Person I once got a message reading, "So i looked at your thing, you seem pretty good." Which didn't exactly sweep me off my feet. ~ George W. Bush, Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? Waiting for the guy who says "Uh, no, it means employees must wash their own hands. A lot of people say that it's capitalism for us and socialism for Corps. However, I dont recall anything about morons. I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Hey Pandas, What's Some Tea You Just Have To Spill? Especially when your parents have done it for you. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. Its always funny until someone gets hurt. I never even listen when you tell me them. ~ David Lee Roth, Whats the use of happiness? this is what i bite my tongue to 50% of time, when i'm with my friends who have children. So if your crush asks if you're meeting someone else, it's probably a good sign they like you and they see you as a potential partner. 15. But they get through. When somebody . 61. If youre going to be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty. The tenth is just humming. I intend to live forever. I bet if you stood on a street corner, youd make some money. Then quit. Don't trust them! When we talk to God, were praying. If you want me to accept you as you are, Im going to have to lie to myself about liking you. ~ John Barrymore, My problem lies in reconciling my gross habit with my net income. I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. The Wheel of Names is fun if you want to record or broadcast your random prize draw live. Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give some people. Impressive! Oww, this is a nice one. Improving your finances doesn't need to be a huge undertaking. Very few people die past that age. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists. ~ Joseph Addison, The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket. If at first you dont succeed, quit. 3. I feel for the person who wrote the original note tho. Ever wanted to be the wise-ass who always has a comeback for everything? My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. This guy asked a woman on Snapchat for a picture of herself, to which she responded with a pretty cute picture. All you need is love. 11 Cringeworthy 'Reply-All' Email Disasters. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! Damn, now why didnt you think of it earlier?! Some people may have thyroid problems, but I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. A camel is a horse designed by a committee. Asking about a really bad pick-up line not only gives you an idea of what not to use on them, but it also gives you a glimpse into your match's cheesy side. ~ Fran Lebowitz, Im living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. Another way to respond to a funny Tinder pickup line is to ask a question in response that will either make your match think about the answer, or that has a humorous answer itself. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. Don't message her first except to set up a date. Im not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. ~ Henny Youngman, There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. ~ Mark Twain, A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you dont need it. ~ Katharine Whitehorn, I made money the old-fashioned way. 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